... The bow... from the church? [ trying to remember what he learned from temenos while his brain is juice ] You only had the lantern, but everyone else had a guide. Is that it?
[the panels flutter weakly, ripped out of a story book, splayed out.
for three of you, the light of the sacred flame shines true and bright as it takes the shapes of your memories. it inspires. it brightens - it casts light through the dim dungeon in brilliance. your steps ahead are assured. the truth lies in the flame - the undeniable feeling of the fact that you’re almost there. you’ve nearly found your way back to the city, back to your friends, back to the life you want to have. you just have to hope a little longer, and move forward further in the dark.
for one of you, there's nothing like that at all. you are a few steps behind, still holding the black bow. your injuries aren’t bothering you. your body doesn’t hurt. but something is wrong. you are so lonely. you're left behind in the dark. you're alone, like always, and you wonder why nobody came for you like the rest of them. it hurts.
all four of you press through the shrine towards the sound of the whimpering. and, as the ghosts of your inspiration and lights melt away, back into your lanterns, you find something curled up in a deep, dark corner of the shrine, at the very, very back. at first, it’s hard to see. but as you approach, you realize what’s facing you is... a monster.
it is huge - the creature’s protruding vertebrae nearly touch the ceiling of the temple, but unlike in the sprite, the monster is collapsed in a heap on the ground, breathing heavily. it looks badly wounded - arrows stick out of its torso, in the space between its protruding ribcage bones, and the fabric of whatever torn asunder thing it wore at some point is dirtied and bloodied, though it’s hard to tell if its human blood or something else. black shadow pours off of its figure, and it stares at you with its eerily glowing, pinkish purple eyes, its tongue lolling out of its mouth. its head is flat on the ground, and each breath it takes comes on a wheeze.
all of you, just by looking, can tell whatever this thing is - it’s miserable. dust sprinkles off of it in pieces, as if it is very slowly disintegrating, but it is so, so slow.
Kill… me…
it looks at you. and for a moment, it's not a monster, it's him, tall and grinning, freckles splashed across his nose and cheeks. his eye's a little worse for wear this last week, but it's fine. he tells you that he can see just fine, and that he'd have to be some kind of weakling to get taken out here. he grabs his hat and puts it down on your head, and for a second, everything is okay.
and then it's not. you see, for a second, you see portgas d. ace struggling to breathe, taking his last, staring up at you and asking you to kill him, and.
ace stares, a little uncomprehending, because it's actually-- familiar, in a few ways-- he's seen that monster before, and that bow, even if he can't quite remember where all of a sudden, and he's died, but this wasn't... how he died. he struggled to breathe, but not like that. right? right? he was choking on something but it was blood and tears and lava, and he didn't ask anyone to kill him because there was no dodging it.
(except he did ask someone to kill him, but it was a cell, and garp didn't--) ]
That didn't happen. [ he says it a little belatedly, a little blankly, clutching at nimona even though all she did was lean away ] It didn't.
she leans back in, when he clings to her. brushes the blood away from her mouth.]
... It wasn't real. [it didn't happen, except it kind of did. she rests her head against his shoulder again.] You didn't even have to tell me the details.
[she saw it anyway. she reaches for his hand and holds it.]
[ she can hold his hand. they are both a little fucked up, but not anymore than when he was punching trees a few weeks ago. he's frowning up as he holds her ]
It's not how it happened. [ he still doesn't say how it actually happened, because he is lucid enough to think nope!!! on that. instead he confesses, like he needs to get it off his chest: ] I'm... I let you get hurt. And Hung died. And Lillium's friend. And--and--
[ he kind of... laughs? ]
They gave me his strawhat. How'd that fucking thing make it?
[ it's like he clawed and scrapped at stone, so his nails are fucked up. don't worry about it. ]
His stupid strawhat. [ he repeats it like he can't handle it, but then he breathes out ] ... It wasn't real either. But you're-- [ he gestures a little against her like it means something ] You're so worried about me but I could've helped you. Both of you. But he was stuck, and I couldn't... I promised. I couldn't leave him.
Nothing. That's the--point, you all got hurt, but we were fine, and it was my fault for-- and it asked me if I should try again like I'd done it before.
[ there's a pause and he looks at nimona kind of distantly ]
There were... termites? [ no. that's wrong? he shakes his head ] That's not it. Forget it. It wasn't real. [ he just looks tired and he holds her closer again. he is all tense. ] ... The fox killed you but you came back. Right?
[when he holds her closer she just leans up and wraps her arms around his shoulders and rests her head there, too. it hurts to do, but she thinks both of them might need it a little.]
Yeah. I think... I think Temenos brought me back to life. [she says, slowly.] I heard his voice.
Being stabbed through the heart isn't better. [ he's careful holding her despite it all, though he sounds mad about that. he says "thanks, temenos", internally, even though he doesn't know if it was the real one or not. and then he thinks it doesn't matter, so he kind of mutters: ] Thanks, Tem. ... You get in so much trouble.
[ it's a half-hearted attempt at a joke. he is vaguely aware it's his second go he is not allowed to talk, but. god. he's glad he didn't come out that long after her. ]
[ without any hesitation, knowing it's hypocritical. it's his right. he frowns at the question a little ]
... No. It wasn't just that. We were... detectives. I think it was Tama's world. Or-- Ryuki's, I guess? [ it's the same world. ] We had to... solve a murder.
[ he realizes the absolute ridiculousness of it at all CONSIDERING GESTURES AT MURDERGAME and he kind of laughs tiredly into her bloody goopy hair ]
... Not really. [ he sounds kind of frustrated about that, but in that sort of "of course you didn't do it you fucking moron" self-deprecating kind of way. ] It was... like a cult thing. He was wearing a mask, and he had... you, and Hana, and Sigrun tied up with bombs. The entire place was rigged to blow up. We found you. And Hung, Luffy and Lillium's friend did too. Then he said either we killed Luffy and the others, or he'd detonate it all.
Yeah. We met the guy at midnight, so we went out to eat before that. And we also had lunch. I stole a cultist's money to pay for it.
[ he doesn't answer the luffy thing just yet. it's important to note he absolutely mugged a guy as a cop. he is so good at being a cop. 10/10.
after a while of either being lost in thought or dodging the subject; ]
I tackled the guy. I think Jolyne helped. [ he thinks, because the guy asked him to kill Luffy, and ace sort of stopped thinking altogether. ] He blew it all up. ... Hung tried to shield you guys.
[ he sort of tugs gently at her hand, like reminding himself she is there ]
...I dunno where he went. The place was collapsing when we woke up. We could've... I think if we'd grabbed you and run, we could've made it. But Luffy and Lillium's friend were stuck under rubble. I couldn't... leave him. I promised. I promised, and Sabo kept telling me I had to go, but I couldn't-- he's our brother, I couldn't go, he should know, he asked me to--
[ he's kind of babbling and getting a little hysterical, and there is no explanation of where the hell sabo comes into this, but instead of a memshare of the cyoa, nimona gets this ]
she's quiet, listening, and when he tugs her hand she squeezes his. she's here. and she is so phenomenally bad at this but she cannot just - she can't just sit here and be stupid while he's losing it, and so she starts to try to soothe, to comfort, somehow, any way at all.]
Hey - hey, hey. [she starts, and then she gets interrupted by the memory.
which is worse, really. it just digs at her, claws into her heart and makes her want to wail in sympathy. she's never been able to deal with little kids crying. especially not like this. especially not when he's here, years later, working himself up to match. she drags in a little shuddery breath and leans back and takes both his hands.]
[ the thing is lowe had no idea they were giving me ace's worst nightmare scenario when they did this, but also that ace would be able to hold it better if his brain wasn't fucking soup right now. he is vaguely aware he is being really embarrassing about something that did not happen, but every time he sees nimona injured he keeps being worried it did. not that he'll tell her that, because he doesn't want her to go either.
he's staring at her hands and ignoring the memory. he knows that letter by heart. he's read it over and over and over again, and then he got sabo's signature tattooed on his arm. he doesn't need the replay. ]
... I couldn't do anything, and he died. [ which brother? both. but only one was for real. ] And you got maimed, and Hung died, and-- they gave me his stupid hat-- but I couldn't have left him. I kept trying to think of a way around it but I just made everything worse.
she holds his hands so tightly. grounding. she doesn't care if he's being embarrassing. maybe, in a horrible and guilty sort of way, she feels better knowing that she can be here. that maybe she can help, after she couldn't before. a pause, and then she brings his hand up and rests it against her pulse. just so he knows.]
You tried, though. [she knows that doesn't mean shit, but.] Of course you didn't leave him.
[she doesn't care about what happened to her. she knows that she can't match up to his little brother. some things are just too important.]
Reigen said whoever is doing this to us knows a lot about us and the things we fear most. It picked out all the good parts of you and used them against you, Ace, that's not - you didn't make everything worse. You don't.
[ he's staring at his hand on her pulse. it feels worse that she doesn't care he didn't manage. and here's something he'd never say out loud if his brain wasn't soup: ]
I don't think there's any good part to me. [ he is talking to their hands more than to her ] Every time I try... I mess it up. I just drag people along and they get hurt.
[fiercely, fiercely shaking her head before he's even finished, reaching to put her hand on the side of his face to try and make him look. she won't force it, but.]
There's so many good parts to you, shut up. [she's so achingly genuine, voice cracking.] You don't drag anybody. They go with you. And they don't care if they get hurt because it's fine because they've got you, and you've got them.
[she swallows hard, and then:] I'd go anywhere with you.
[ he goes with it. his eye isn't fully focused, but he's still paying attention.
she means it. it feels a little crazy. he doesn't understand how she can mean it. he's never understood, he's just tried to be good enough to deserve the kind of affection and trust people have given him. it's never felt like he has. but he's not good enough to not cling to it anyway. ]
Yeah? [ it's kind of quiet. he can't agree with the sentiment, but he can't reject it either. impasse. so: ] I didn't want you hurt.
[ he needs her to understand that. he couldn't do anything that'd hurt luffy, but he'd wanted an alternative that didn't exist and refused to see it otherwise. ]
[she bonks her forehead against his. maybe a little hard, like she's trying to headbutt some sense into him.
she knows he won't just take her words and change his mind immediately, because she wouldn't either. that's okay. this is the first time in a really long time that she feels like it's worth it to say it over and over again.]
I think... [she starts, and then stops. tries again.] You saw... you saw Gloreth. And Ballister.
[this is hard. these are words she can barely force out, because they're the sharpest, most painful parts of her, but she trusts him with them.]
I didn't realize until I saw the thing turn into you that it's worse when the person that's leaving doesn't want to hurt you. [so. she knows. she knows he didn't want her hurt.]
[ ow. he's looking SO sulky at the mini headbutt but it seems to work on refocusing him, hilariously enough. he only responds to violence.
he's frowning at the mention of gloreth and ballister, because they are on his permanent shit list, but he gets the point. he really does. ]
... I'm okay. [ he'll reiterate that, because she saw him die, and he... is dead, but not yet. he promised her not yet. but, also: ] I hate that you can say that. Like this is the first time anyone's never not wanted to hurt you. They're stupid.
[ he's sounding a little heated even if "stupid" is the best insult he came up with on the spot. ]
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branchandroot
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Date: 2023-10-20 05:28 am (UTC)... The bow... from the church? [ trying to remember what he learned from temenos while his brain is juice ] You only had the lantern, but everyone else had a guide. Is that it?
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Date: 2023-10-20 05:39 am (UTC)nimona chokes, and leans away from ace to spit blood on the ground from biting her tongue too hard.]
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Date: 2023-10-20 05:50 am (UTC)ace stares, a little uncomprehending, because it's actually-- familiar, in a few ways-- he's seen that monster before, and that bow, even if he can't quite remember where all of a sudden, and he's died, but this wasn't... how he died. he struggled to breathe, but not like that. right? right? he was choking on something but it was blood and tears and lava, and he didn't ask anyone to kill him because there was no dodging it.
(except he did ask someone to kill him, but it was a cell, and garp didn't--) ]
That didn't happen. [ he says it a little belatedly, a little blankly, clutching at nimona even though all she did was lean away ] It didn't.
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Date: 2023-10-20 05:54 am (UTC)she leans back in, when he clings to her. brushes the blood away from her mouth.]
... It wasn't real. [it didn't happen, except it kind of did. she rests her head against his shoulder again.] You didn't even have to tell me the details.
[she saw it anyway. she reaches for his hand and holds it.]
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:01 am (UTC)It's not how it happened. [ he still doesn't say how it actually happened, because he is lucid enough to think nope!!! on that. instead he confesses, like he needs to get it off his chest: ] I'm... I let you get hurt. And Hung died. And Lillium's friend. And--and--
[ he kind of... laughs? ]
They gave me his strawhat. How'd that fucking thing make it?
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:17 am (UTC)In... in yours. [she says, after a second, because it takes her that long to readjust.] You didn't let me get hurt. Hung's okay.
[...]
His - what?
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:21 am (UTC)His stupid strawhat. [ he repeats it like he can't handle it, but then he breathes out ] ... It wasn't real either. But you're-- [ he gestures a little against her like it means something ] You're so worried about me but I could've helped you. Both of you. But he was stuck, and I couldn't... I promised. I couldn't leave him.
[ thanks that sort of explains nothing. ]
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:23 am (UTC)there's a pause.] What happened to you?
[she just keeps holding his hand, carefully.]
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:28 am (UTC)[ there's a pause and he looks at nimona kind of distantly ]
There were... termites? [ no. that's wrong? he shakes his head ] That's not it. Forget it. It wasn't real. [ he just looks tired and he holds her closer again. he is all tense. ] ... The fox killed you but you came back. Right?
[ kind of a "are you real" moment ]
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:41 am (UTC)Yeah. I think... I think Temenos brought me back to life. [she says, slowly.] I heard his voice.
I'm alive. [...] I wasn't in any explosions.
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:46 am (UTC)[ it's a half-hearted attempt at a joke. he is vaguely aware it's his second go he is not allowed to talk, but. god. he's glad he didn't come out that long after her. ]
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:59 am (UTC)This is the second time you've come out of one of these and I get in so much trouble? [grumbles.
she is also very glad that he didn't come out much longer after her, because she would have been in a state.]
... You don't have to tell me everything, but. [a beat.] Did it just put you in a place where you had to pick between people?
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Date: 2023-10-20 07:04 am (UTC)[ without any hesitation, knowing it's hypocritical. it's his right. he frowns at the question a little ]
... No. It wasn't just that. We were... detectives. I think it was Tama's world. Or-- Ryuki's, I guess? [ it's the same world. ] We had to... solve a murder.
[ he realizes the absolute ridiculousness of it at all CONSIDERING GESTURES AT MURDERGAME and he kind of laughs tiredly into her bloody goopy hair ]
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Date: 2023-10-20 07:07 am (UTC)Yeah, like you don't do that enough. [god.] Did you solve it?
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Date: 2023-10-20 07:19 am (UTC)[ there is a long, long pause. ]
We went to a place called Denny's before that.
[ THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. ]
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Date: 2023-10-20 07:25 am (UTC)she pauses, and then:]
You didn't kill Luffy. [she knows that he would not. she says it sort of simply.
anyway.] Isn't Denny's a place to eat at?
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Date: 2023-10-20 07:33 am (UTC)[ he doesn't answer the luffy thing just yet. it's important to note he absolutely mugged a guy as a cop. he is so good at being a cop. 10/10.
after a while of either being lost in thought or dodging the subject; ]
I tackled the guy. I think Jolyne helped. [ he thinks, because the guy asked him to kill Luffy, and ace sort of stopped thinking altogether. ] He blew it all up. ... Hung tried to shield you guys.
[ he sort of tugs gently at her hand, like reminding himself she is there ]
...I dunno where he went. The place was collapsing when we woke up. We could've... I think if we'd grabbed you and run, we could've made it. But Luffy and Lillium's friend were stuck under rubble. I couldn't... leave him. I promised. I promised, and Sabo kept telling me I had to go, but I couldn't-- he's our brother, I couldn't go, he should know, he asked me to--
[ he's kind of babbling and getting a little hysterical, and there is no explanation of where the hell sabo comes into this, but instead of a memshare of the cyoa, nimona gets this ]
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Date: 2023-10-20 07:45 am (UTC)she's quiet, listening, and when he tugs her hand she squeezes his. she's here. and she is so phenomenally bad at this but she cannot just - she can't just sit here and be stupid while he's losing it, and so she starts to try to soothe, to comfort, somehow, any way at all.]
Hey - hey, hey. [she starts, and then she gets interrupted by the memory.
which is worse, really. it just digs at her, claws into her heart and makes her want to wail in sympathy. she's never been able to deal with little kids crying. especially not like this. especially not when he's here, years later, working himself up to match. she drags in a little shuddery breath and leans back and takes both his hands.]
Ace.
[it's okay, it's okay.]
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Date: 2023-10-20 07:54 am (UTC)he's staring at her hands and ignoring the memory. he knows that letter by heart. he's read it over and over and over again, and then he got sabo's signature tattooed on his arm. he doesn't need the replay. ]
... I couldn't do anything, and he died. [ which brother? both. but only one was for real. ] And you got maimed, and Hung died, and-- they gave me his stupid hat-- but I couldn't have left him. I kept trying to think of a way around it but I just made everything worse.
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Date: 2023-10-20 08:17 am (UTC)she holds his hands so tightly. grounding. she doesn't care if he's being embarrassing. maybe, in a horrible and guilty sort of way, she feels better knowing that she can be here. that maybe she can help, after she couldn't before. a pause, and then she brings his hand up and rests it against her pulse. just so he knows.]
You tried, though. [she knows that doesn't mean shit, but.] Of course you didn't leave him.
[she doesn't care about what happened to her. she knows that she can't match up to his little brother. some things are just too important.]
Reigen said whoever is doing this to us knows a lot about us and the things we fear most. It picked out all the good parts of you and used them against you, Ace, that's not - you didn't make everything worse. You don't.
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Date: 2023-10-20 05:43 pm (UTC)I don't think there's any good part to me. [ he is talking to their hands more than to her ] Every time I try... I mess it up. I just drag people along and they get hurt.
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:14 pm (UTC)There's so many good parts to you, shut up. [she's so achingly genuine, voice cracking.] You don't drag anybody. They go with you. And they don't care if they get hurt because it's fine because they've got you, and you've got them.
[she swallows hard, and then:] I'd go anywhere with you.
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:24 pm (UTC)she means it. it feels a little crazy. he doesn't understand how she can mean it. he's never understood, he's just tried to be good enough to deserve the kind of affection and trust people have given him. it's never felt like he has. but he's not good enough to not cling to it anyway. ]
Yeah? [ it's kind of quiet. he can't agree with the sentiment, but he can't reject it either. impasse. so: ] I didn't want you hurt.
[ he needs her to understand that. he couldn't do anything that'd hurt luffy, but he'd wanted an alternative that didn't exist and refused to see it otherwise. ]
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Date: 2023-10-20 06:54 pm (UTC)she knows he won't just take her words and change his mind immediately, because she wouldn't either. that's okay. this is the first time in a really long time that she feels like it's worth it to say it over and over again.]
I think... [she starts, and then stops. tries again.] You saw... you saw Gloreth. And Ballister.
[this is hard. these are words she can barely force out, because they're the sharpest, most painful parts of her, but she trusts him with them.]
I didn't realize until I saw the thing turn into you that it's worse when the person that's leaving doesn't want to hurt you. [so. she knows. she knows he didn't want her hurt.]
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Date: 2023-10-20 09:37 pm (UTC)he's frowning at the mention of gloreth and ballister, because they are on his permanent shit list, but he gets the point. he really does. ]
... I'm okay. [ he'll reiterate that, because she saw him die, and he... is dead, but not yet. he promised her not yet. but, also: ] I hate that you can say that. Like this is the first time anyone's never not wanted to hurt you. They're stupid.
[ he's sounding a little heated even if "stupid" is the best insult he came up with on the spot. ]
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