she holds his hands so tightly. grounding. she doesn't care if he's being embarrassing. maybe, in a horrible and guilty sort of way, she feels better knowing that she can be here. that maybe she can help, after she couldn't before. a pause, and then she brings his hand up and rests it against her pulse. just so he knows.]
You tried, though. [she knows that doesn't mean shit, but.] Of course you didn't leave him.
[she doesn't care about what happened to her. she knows that she can't match up to his little brother. some things are just too important.]
Reigen said whoever is doing this to us knows a lot about us and the things we fear most. It picked out all the good parts of you and used them against you, Ace, that's not - you didn't make everything worse. You don't.
[ he's staring at his hand on her pulse. it feels worse that she doesn't care he didn't manage. and here's something he'd never say out loud if his brain wasn't soup: ]
I don't think there's any good part to me. [ he is talking to their hands more than to her ] Every time I try... I mess it up. I just drag people along and they get hurt.
[fiercely, fiercely shaking her head before he's even finished, reaching to put her hand on the side of his face to try and make him look. she won't force it, but.]
There's so many good parts to you, shut up. [she's so achingly genuine, voice cracking.] You don't drag anybody. They go with you. And they don't care if they get hurt because it's fine because they've got you, and you've got them.
[she swallows hard, and then:] I'd go anywhere with you.
[ he goes with it. his eye isn't fully focused, but he's still paying attention.
she means it. it feels a little crazy. he doesn't understand how she can mean it. he's never understood, he's just tried to be good enough to deserve the kind of affection and trust people have given him. it's never felt like he has. but he's not good enough to not cling to it anyway. ]
Yeah? [ it's kind of quiet. he can't agree with the sentiment, but he can't reject it either. impasse. so: ] I didn't want you hurt.
[ he needs her to understand that. he couldn't do anything that'd hurt luffy, but he'd wanted an alternative that didn't exist and refused to see it otherwise. ]
[she bonks her forehead against his. maybe a little hard, like she's trying to headbutt some sense into him.
she knows he won't just take her words and change his mind immediately, because she wouldn't either. that's okay. this is the first time in a really long time that she feels like it's worth it to say it over and over again.]
I think... [she starts, and then stops. tries again.] You saw... you saw Gloreth. And Ballister.
[this is hard. these are words she can barely force out, because they're the sharpest, most painful parts of her, but she trusts him with them.]
I didn't realize until I saw the thing turn into you that it's worse when the person that's leaving doesn't want to hurt you. [so. she knows. she knows he didn't want her hurt.]
[ ow. he's looking SO sulky at the mini headbutt but it seems to work on refocusing him, hilariously enough. he only responds to violence.
he's frowning at the mention of gloreth and ballister, because they are on his permanent shit list, but he gets the point. he really does. ]
... I'm okay. [ he'll reiterate that, because she saw him die, and he... is dead, but not yet. he promised her not yet. but, also: ] I hate that you can say that. Like this is the first time anyone's never not wanted to hurt you. They're stupid.
[ he's sounding a little heated even if "stupid" is the best insult he came up with on the spot. ]
I don't have a barrel to dunk you in. [ it's still a little teasing. he likes it better when she laughs, but also he's a little serious she definitely should get cleaned off. ] ... At least wipe it with something so you stop being two-toned.
[ pink and purple is too glimmer and not nimona enough ]
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branchandroot
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Date: 2023-10-20 08:17 am (UTC)she holds his hands so tightly. grounding. she doesn't care if he's being embarrassing. maybe, in a horrible and guilty sort of way, she feels better knowing that she can be here. that maybe she can help, after she couldn't before. a pause, and then she brings his hand up and rests it against her pulse. just so he knows.]
You tried, though. [she knows that doesn't mean shit, but.] Of course you didn't leave him.
[she doesn't care about what happened to her. she knows that she can't match up to his little brother. some things are just too important.]
Reigen said whoever is doing this to us knows a lot about us and the things we fear most. It picked out all the good parts of you and used them against you, Ace, that's not - you didn't make everything worse. You don't.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-20 05:43 pm (UTC)I don't think there's any good part to me. [ he is talking to their hands more than to her ] Every time I try... I mess it up. I just drag people along and they get hurt.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-20 06:14 pm (UTC)There's so many good parts to you, shut up. [she's so achingly genuine, voice cracking.] You don't drag anybody. They go with you. And they don't care if they get hurt because it's fine because they've got you, and you've got them.
[she swallows hard, and then:] I'd go anywhere with you.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-20 06:24 pm (UTC)she means it. it feels a little crazy. he doesn't understand how she can mean it. he's never understood, he's just tried to be good enough to deserve the kind of affection and trust people have given him. it's never felt like he has. but he's not good enough to not cling to it anyway. ]
Yeah? [ it's kind of quiet. he can't agree with the sentiment, but he can't reject it either. impasse. so: ] I didn't want you hurt.
[ he needs her to understand that. he couldn't do anything that'd hurt luffy, but he'd wanted an alternative that didn't exist and refused to see it otherwise. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-10-20 06:54 pm (UTC)she knows he won't just take her words and change his mind immediately, because she wouldn't either. that's okay. this is the first time in a really long time that she feels like it's worth it to say it over and over again.]
I think... [she starts, and then stops. tries again.] You saw... you saw Gloreth. And Ballister.
[this is hard. these are words she can barely force out, because they're the sharpest, most painful parts of her, but she trusts him with them.]
I didn't realize until I saw the thing turn into you that it's worse when the person that's leaving doesn't want to hurt you. [so. she knows. she knows he didn't want her hurt.]
no subject
Date: 2023-10-20 09:37 pm (UTC)he's frowning at the mention of gloreth and ballister, because they are on his permanent shit list, but he gets the point. he really does. ]
... I'm okay. [ he'll reiterate that, because she saw him die, and he... is dead, but not yet. he promised her not yet. but, also: ] I hate that you can say that. Like this is the first time anyone's never not wanted to hurt you. They're stupid.
[ he's sounding a little heated even if "stupid" is the best insult he came up with on the spot. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-10-21 12:33 am (UTC)anyway.] It kinda is. [she says, finally, but.] They're stupid.
[agreed. some people have suggested that maybe she try to forgive ballister and she was like no.]
... I'm okay too. We're both okay. [for now.]
no subject
Date: 2023-10-21 01:30 am (UTC)... Yeah. You look like hell, though. [ your GLOOP. he tries to wipe it again ] What even is this stuff?
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Date: 2023-10-21 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-21 01:42 am (UTC)... Do we have time to hose you off? [ it's gluuuue ]
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Date: 2023-10-21 01:49 am (UTC)that actually makes her laugh a little, in a stupid way.]
Hose me off. I guess. I don't really want to get wet but. [she hurts all over... her cuts...]
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Date: 2023-10-21 01:52 am (UTC)[ pink and purple is too glimmer and not nimona enough ]
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Date: 2023-10-21 02:02 am (UTC)Ugh, fine. [makes a face at him.] ... I can try to go to the penthouse before curfew and clean up, I guess. Do you need more bandages?
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Date: 2023-10-21 02:07 am (UTC)Maybe. [ idle like he has no fuckin idea. useless ] ... We can get some for both of us.
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Date: 2023-10-21 02:12 am (UTC)Okay. [a beat. she'll finally just... slowly pull away from him but not far.] You're - we're going to the same place, right? When the doors lock.
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Date: 2023-10-21 02:17 am (UTC)Yeah. I was planning to be.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-21 02:21 am (UTC)