[yeah she kind of just rolls over on her face after she says that]
... Not just kinda. [she says, after a minute.] It's just, like - I don't know. He sucks, Ace. He killed someone for fun, just to see what would happen.
[she's not like that. she doesn't. there's reasons, when she does, right? there's... reasons.
she pauses.]
Something made him that way. Is that the only ending?
People lie plenty. [ and he has no reason to think argalia lied to nimona, though, it's just a remnant of the anger still in him after today, so he lets out a breath. ] I don't know. You can be hurt by the world and not wind up doing something like this for curiosity.
[it's hard, for her, to look at something that's actually evil, and be confronted with the idea that maybe she's not quite as awful as she thought she was because actual evil makes her feel wrong. her world view is getting rocked like a boat on the sea.]
You say that, but. [she thinks he might not like the ending she picked out for herself. a beat. she changes the subject.] I liked him.
Yeah. [ there's a pause. ] I was friends. With the guy who I set out to kill. Asshole still called me Commander and asked me to join his crew when I met him, like it meant nothing.
[ which is just to say he understands betrayal, and; ]
[tired is a good word. she's exhausted, living a too-long life full of too many people who can't stop hurting her when she reaches out. she used to be angry about it, but now it's just like - what's another scab to pick at.
she squirms a little closer to the edge of the bed. not out from it, just. close.]
M'sorry.
[she doesn't know what for, she just kinda feels like he should hear a sorry from someone. for chiemi, for norma, for the friend he set out to kill.]
[ joke's on her! she's close enough he can reach over and kind of shove at her shoulder gently, now ]
What are you apologizing to me for? [ he doesn't want it. not from anyone, but not from her, not when she's feeling like this. and maybe this isn't the time or place. he's kind of dodged prodding at it a lot out of respect, because he can tell she doesn't want to speak about it, but. ] You know, Luffy used to say the worst thing in the world was being alone. [ there's a pause, before he continues: ] You've been alone a long time, haven't you?
[expires right here under the bed just straight up perishes
he shoves at her gently and she bats at him just as gently, and then he drops that and she just kind of scrunches up like a bug. she has been Perceived
she doesn't even know how to respond. yes! she has been! but admitting it sounds stupid and bad and embarrassing, and she doesn't care if she's been alone for a long time, like whatever! she's survived, hasn't she! she swallows hard. opens her mouth, and then closes it.
[ he stares back, something a little knowing and a little sad in his look ]
... You shouldn't have been. [ he sounds like he means that, but he sounds like he means the following even more when he looks away from her to give her the illusion of privacy; ] You're really strong, you know? I... [ and maybe it's giving himself the illusion of privacy too, because his smile's a little wry and awkward ] If I hadn't met my brothers, I don't think I would've gone on living. I can't imagine what it took for you to get this far.
there's silence for a second, as she just kind of sits with those words, and tries to hear them. she tries really, really hard. it might take a while for them to settle properly. you shouldn't have been. you should've had something.
she crawls out from under the bed and wraps her arms around him and just clings.]
[ they can both be feeling horse emotions, it's fine. he doesn't move when she crawls out, and this time he isn't tense when she wraps her arms around him and clings. he wraps his arms around her back, petting a little hesitantly. ]
... I've got you. [ it's okay, you don't have to say anything, sorry I brought it up all of a sudden. he doesn't say any of that. ]
[she doesn't cry, but god is it a close thing. she just stays where she is, in her stupid pink sweater that she tore up without a thought to fix his knuckles, in a room where nine other people were excited to get animal charms from her, with a pirate who said i see you, nimona. i've got you.
she hides her face, and holds onto him so tightly she might accidentally leave marks. digs her claws in. don't leave, don't go.]
[ he doesn't say anything more about it or move anywhere, and he especially doesn't say anything about how tightly she clings. wouldn't even if she was actually digging claws in, because that's the only way he's known how to let in people too. wholly and fully, clinging selfishly and desperately.
he probably wouldn't have said any of it if she hadn't opened up first, yesterday, as brief as it was, but here they are. and he can't promise her anything in this place but he can stay right now. so he will. ]
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branchandroot
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Date: 2023-10-01 03:50 am (UTC)... Wanna talk about it?
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Date: 2023-10-01 03:59 am (UTC)I don't know. [...] It's not like I didn't know he was going to kill someone.
[yes, ig]
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Date: 2023-10-01 04:02 am (UTC)... He made it that obvious, huh? [ there's a but, but he's waiting for her to bring it up first ]
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Date: 2023-10-01 04:38 am (UTC)[but, you know.]
I said this to Nico, but - it's like reading the same story over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I get tired.
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Date: 2023-10-01 04:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 04:44 am (UTC)[stop don't joke about it]
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Date: 2023-10-01 04:47 am (UTC)Kind of a shitty story.
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Date: 2023-10-01 04:54 am (UTC)... Not just kinda. [she says, after a minute.] It's just, like - I don't know. He sucks, Ace. He killed someone for fun, just to see what would happen.
[she's not like that. she doesn't. there's reasons, when she does, right? there's... reasons.
she pauses.]
Something made him that way. Is that the only ending?
no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 04:59 am (UTC)[ he's still watching her under the bed, frowning. what makes her so sure she's got anything in common with argalia in the first place, really ]
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:01 am (UTC)[she says, impatiently.] Because he told me.
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 05:09 am (UTC)... I just kinda wanted to see a different ending for once.
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:13 am (UTC)You have to make your own endings. [ he looks up at the ceiling ] No matter what, you have to make your own choices. That's what decides your life.
[ and how it ends or doesn't, he means ]
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:20 am (UTC)You say that, but. [she thinks he might not like the ending she picked out for herself. a beat. she changes the subject.] I liked him.
But I guess what I liked wasn't what he is.
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:23 am (UTC)[ which is just to say he understands betrayal, and; ]
It makes you feel kind of stupid, huh?
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:30 am (UTC)Yeah. [it's funny because that is exactly what she said to nico.] I feel like an idiot. And kind of empty. It's weird.
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:35 am (UTC)[ he flops down so he is also lying down even if he's not under the bed. they are just floor buddies. ]
I think empty means you're tired.
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Date: 2023-10-01 05:54 am (UTC)[tired is a good word. she's exhausted, living a too-long life full of too many people who can't stop hurting her when she reaches out. she used to be angry about it, but now it's just like - what's another scab to pick at.
she squirms a little closer to the edge of the bed. not out from it, just. close.]
M'sorry.
[she doesn't know what for, she just kinda feels like he should hear a sorry from someone. for chiemi, for norma, for the friend he set out to kill.]
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Date: 2023-10-01 06:02 am (UTC)What are you apologizing to me for? [ he doesn't want it. not from anyone, but not from her, not when she's feeling like this. and maybe this isn't the time or place. he's kind of dodged prodding at it a lot out of respect, because he can tell she doesn't want to speak about it, but. ] You know, Luffy used to say the worst thing in the world was being alone. [ there's a pause, before he continues: ] You've been alone a long time, haven't you?
no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 06:13 am (UTC)he shoves at her gently and she bats at him just as gently, and then he drops that and she just kind of scrunches up like a bug. she has been Perceived
she doesn't even know how to respond. yes! she has been! but admitting it sounds stupid and bad and embarrassing, and she doesn't care if she's been alone for a long time, like whatever! she's survived, hasn't she! she swallows hard. opens her mouth, and then closes it.
and looks at him, a little helplessly.]
no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 06:23 am (UTC)... You shouldn't have been. [ he sounds like he means that, but he sounds like he means the following even more when he looks away from her to give her the illusion of privacy; ] You're really strong, you know? I... [ and maybe it's giving himself the illusion of privacy too, because his smile's a little wry and awkward ] If I hadn't met my brothers, I don't think I would've gone on living. I can't imagine what it took for you to get this far.
[ no wonder she's tired. ]
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Date: 2023-10-01 06:55 am (UTC)there's silence for a second, as she just kind of sits with those words, and tries to hear them. she tries really, really hard. it might take a while for them to settle properly. you shouldn't have been. you should've had something.
she crawls out from under the bed and wraps her arms around him and just clings.]
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Date: 2023-10-01 06:59 am (UTC)... I've got you. [ it's okay, you don't have to say anything, sorry I brought it up all of a sudden. he doesn't say any of that. ]
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Date: 2023-10-01 07:07 am (UTC)she hides her face, and holds onto him so tightly she might accidentally leave marks. digs her claws in. don't leave, don't go.]
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Date: 2023-10-01 07:18 am (UTC)he probably wouldn't have said any of it if she hadn't opened up first, yesterday, as brief as it was, but here they are. and he can't promise her anything in this place but he can stay right now. so he will. ]