catchall nimona

[selfimmolation]

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[selfimmolation]

[ the thing is lowe had no idea they were giving me ace's worst nightmare scenario when they did this, but also that ace would be able to hold it better if his brain wasn't fucking soup right now. he is vaguely aware he is being really embarrassing about something that did not happen, but every time he sees nimona injured he keeps being worried it did. not that he'll tell her that, because he doesn't want her to go either.

he's staring at her hands and ignoring the memory. he knows that letter by heart. he's read it over and over and over again, and then he got sabo's signature tattooed on his arm. he doesn't need the replay. ]

... I couldn't do anything, and he died. [ which brother? both. but only one was for real. ] And you got maimed, and Hung died, and-- they gave me his stupid hat-- but I couldn't have left him. I kept trying to think of a way around it but I just made everything worse.

[sharkgirl]

[isn't it funny when it works out that way

she holds his hands so tightly. grounding. she doesn't care if he's being embarrassing. maybe, in a horrible and guilty sort of way, she feels better knowing that she can be here. that maybe she can help, after she couldn't before. a pause, and then she brings his hand up and rests it against her pulse. just so he knows.]

You tried, though. [she knows that doesn't mean shit, but.] Of course you didn't leave him.

[she doesn't care about what happened to her. she knows that she can't match up to his little brother. some things are just too important.]

Reigen said whoever is doing this to us knows a lot about us and the things we fear most. It picked out all the good parts of you and used them against you, Ace, that's not - you didn't make everything worse. You don't.

[selfimmolation]

[ he's staring at his hand on her pulse. it feels worse that she doesn't care he didn't manage. and here's something he'd never say out loud if his brain wasn't soup: ]

I don't think there's any good part to me. [ he is talking to their hands more than to her ] Every time I try... I mess it up. I just drag people along and they get hurt.

[sharkgirl]

[fiercely, fiercely shaking her head before he's even finished, reaching to put her hand on the side of his face to try and make him look. she won't force it, but.]

There's so many good parts to you, shut up. [she's so achingly genuine, voice cracking.] You don't drag anybody. They go with you. And they don't care if they get hurt because it's fine because they've got you, and you've got them.

[she swallows hard, and then:] I'd go anywhere with you.

[selfimmolation]

[ he goes with it. his eye isn't fully focused, but he's still paying attention.

she means it. it feels a little crazy. he doesn't understand how she can mean it. he's never understood, he's just tried to be good enough to deserve the kind of affection and trust people have given him. it's never felt like he has. but he's not good enough to not cling to it anyway. ]

Yeah? [ it's kind of quiet. he can't agree with the sentiment, but he can't reject it either. impasse. so: ] I didn't want you hurt.

[ he needs her to understand that. he couldn't do anything that'd hurt luffy, but he'd wanted an alternative that didn't exist and refused to see it otherwise. ]

[sharkgirl]

[she bonks her forehead against his. maybe a little hard, like she's trying to headbutt some sense into him.

she knows he won't just take her words and change his mind immediately, because she wouldn't either. that's okay. this is the first time in a really long time that she feels like it's worth it to say it over and over again.]

I think... [she starts, and then stops. tries again.] You saw... you saw Gloreth. And Ballister.

[this is hard. these are words she can barely force out, because they're the sharpest, most painful parts of her, but she trusts him with them.]

I didn't realize until I saw the thing turn into you that it's worse when the person that's leaving doesn't want to hurt you. [so. she knows. she knows he didn't want her hurt.]

[selfimmolation]

[ ow. he's looking SO sulky at the mini headbutt but it seems to work on refocusing him, hilariously enough. he only responds to violence.

he's frowning at the mention of gloreth and ballister, because they are on his permanent shit list, but he gets the point. he really does. ]

... I'm okay. [ he'll reiterate that, because she saw him die, and he... is dead, but not yet. he promised her not yet. but, also: ] I hate that you can say that. Like this is the first time anyone's never not wanted to hurt you. They're stupid.

[ he's sounding a little heated even if "stupid" is the best insult he came up with on the spot. ]

[sharkgirl]

[she stays where she is, tiredly. same hat! they both only respond to violence!

anyway.] It kinda is. [she says, finally, but.] They're stupid.

[agreed. some people have suggested that maybe she try to forgive ballister and she was like no.]

... I'm okay too. We're both okay. [for now.]

[selfimmolation]

[ They Were Not Okay Later ]

... Yeah. You look like hell, though. [ your GLOOP. he tries to wipe it again ] What even is this stuff?

[sharkgirl]

I don't know, whatever shadow stuff it was that got to me. [it comes off! it's horrible, like mostly dried glue.] It came off when I died.

[selfimmolation]

[ he makes such a disgruntled face at "when I died". don't say things!!!!! but also ]

... Do we have time to hose you off? [ it's gluuuue ]

[sharkgirl]

[well she DID

that actually makes her laugh a little, in a stupid way.]

Hose me off. I guess. I don't really want to get wet but. [she hurts all over... her cuts...]

[selfimmolation]

I don't have a barrel to dunk you in. [ it's still a little teasing. he likes it better when she laughs, but also he's a little serious she definitely should get cleaned off. ] ... At least wipe it with something so you stop being two-toned.

[ pink and purple is too glimmer and not nimona enough ]

[sharkgirl]

[you know what's funny is she actually dyes her hair purple in the comic after a Traumatic event]

Ugh, fine. [makes a face at him.] ... I can try to go to the penthouse before curfew and clean up, I guess. Do you need more bandages?

[selfimmolation]

[ whispers glimmer coded ]

Maybe. [ idle like he has no fuckin idea. useless ] ... We can get some for both of us.

[sharkgirl]

[i feel like her and glimmer would be buddies tbh]

Okay. [a beat. she'll finally just... slowly pull away from him but not far.] You're - we're going to the same place, right? When the doors lock.

[selfimmolation]

[ she says the doors lock and he's like ? for a second like he forgot that happens on thursday, but he nods at her ]

Yeah. I was planning to be.

[sharkgirl]

Cool. Okay. [then she will stand up and kind of wince a bit, and try to help him up. bandages and clean.]

w4, FRIDAY

[sharkgirl]

[eventually, in the penthouse, she probably dozes off sitting next to him, still loosely holding his hand. she mumbles in her sleep, but - she's so jumpy that any sort of movement will wake her back up again, in full defense mode.

also she probably still has paint on her hands.]

[selfimmolation]

[ well then she'll probably wake up when he takes his hand away and starts to get up. where is he going ... where will he go...

he's put the knife back in his pocket at least so there is no danger from either of us if nimona goes on the defensive ]

[sharkgirl]

[yeah she absolutely startles awake, trying to grab for him and then like, pausing, catching herself. she stares at him blearily. where are you going.]

[selfimmolation]

[ he looks down at her a little like, lost before he shakes his head and crouches back down ]

... I need to move. [ he doesn't really explain what he means, sort of stares out the window for a second before he adds, like an afterthought: ] You can come with me if you want.

[sharkgirl]

Kay.

[she pulls herself to her feet, rubbing at her face. she adjusts the suit jacket, and wanders after him. wherever he goes, she'll follow.]

[selfimmolation]

[ great! he doesn't say anything, he's just going to the rooftop. she probably thinks he is just going to dramatically lean on a railing and look at the ocean like the predictable sad sack he is, but he instead kind of

vaults? said railing?

not fully, but he's like, placing himself so he's sort of sitting on the edge of the damn building and just holding onto the railing by having his arms wrapped on it. very safe position. hi. ]

I couldn't help him either. [ casual small talk ok cool thanks ]

[sharkgirl]

[okay well this slightly gives her a fucking heart attack please don't FALL OFF AND DIE. you cannot turn into a bird.

she makes her way over to where he's sitting, and ducks under the railing too, so she can copy him. except she doesn't hold onto the railing because she can turn into a bird if she falls. she's watching him closely like she can do anything if he slips, but.

swings her legs back and forth, staring out at the ocean, and then:]

None of us could. [...] It's not just your fault.