anyway, she puts the hat back on securely and i will say it absolutely gives her a sense of comfort she can't hide. she plays a bit with the cord after he tugs it with a huff.]
I didn't let anything happen to it. Yeah. [that's the least she could've done! there's a little twisty bit of guilt here again, too, and the sense that maybe she is not quite all the way talking about the hat in this instance.]
I knew you wouldn't. [ he's noticing the guilt so she's getting the brim shoved down a little ] Hey, c'mon. Things got pretty dicey, but you guys all survived it with all your limbs attached. I'd say that's pretty good.
she shoves him but it's not hard. and she also flops back to lean on him again after she does.]
... Yeah. [another little pause.] It's just --
[she starts, and then stops again, and the guilt gets worse, and then:] I'm still angry at Danny for throwing you under the bus. I shouldn't have believed him.
[whether that's what happened or not, it's what she thinks.]
[ oh. hmmm. there's something conflicted there, because he is mad at danny, but not for that, really. ]
... Everyone believed him. [ is what he starts with, because no one really wanted danny to have done it. he hesitates but decides to be honest: ] I don't really care about that part. I think I probably would've gotten the vote anyway, if you'd found him.
[there's a buzzy emotion of annoyance and that same betrayal from before, the awful anger that she can't get rid of.]
You wanna know why I built that stupid fucking treehouse? Because - I left Tiger dorm, and I told Danny I was gonna, and he was upset because he didn't want to be alone. [and it hit her in a very soft and vulnerable spot.] I built that treehouse for him, because I wanted to - I wanted to show him that I wasn't gonna turn on him.
[but like. he knows how it turned out. and so there's conflicting emotion - guilt, because she did turn on him, but...]
[ the blip of guilt gets him even angrier, on top of. the context. the context is horrible god ]
You didn't turn on him. He's the one who did it to you first. [ ace is incredibly a strong believe in killing people's friends should and does have consequences, i know, shocking, ] What he was doing was--
[ just kind of a hiss through his teeth because it incensed him and it still does and he is just. trying to be like he eventually confessed but after all that? after all that?? more important, though: ]
[you know i don't know that anybody has told her that she didn't do anything wrong this whole time? nico maybe alluded to it, but hearing it frankly like that makes her throat get all tight.]
... You guys, you - you and Reigen. [she says, voice cracking a little.] I've never had anything like either of you before. And I lost both of you in one weekend because of him, even if Tiger told him to, and he - he wasn't ever going to tell me, he only told me because you guys practically did it for him.
[she shifts, turning to wrap her arms around ace again.]
... I could've probably gotten over the kill, I just - he pretended to be my friend.
[and ace of all people knows why that's really upsetting to her.]
[ just. again, angry on her behalf and just kind of holding her close. they are going to be so full of sand. it's fine. ]
... Yeah. I know what that's like. [ he's told her about it but what he didn't tell her is the kind of sharp pang of betrayal, anger, self-loathing and grief that comes with thinking about that, just a bit of a flash before he's back to just being angry on her behalf ] That's what I was most mad about.
[ he doesn't think it's a big secret that he was! and is. ]
You guys deserved to know the truth from the start, and I don't know that I agree it had to come from him in the first place.
[ he's glad danny said it eventually, but like, he doesn't care, so much, about danny's rights or redemption ]
[it's fine she's covered in sand 95% of the time these days anyway
she doesn't like that pang - she doesn't like it because she knows he knows what it's like. it's the worst feeling in the world, to feel like maybe it wouldn't have happened if you'd been different or smarter or had seen it coming, to know that someone you trusted used it against you, flipped it around on you.
she closes her eyes, her emotions shifting back and forth between anger and wanting to comfort him in some way.]
Nico said he was probably going to forgive him because it was Tiger's fault but... I don't think I can. [...] I don't want to.
You don't have to. [ he's quick to say it but he's confident about it, and he is like, blatantly ignoring her wanting to comfort him to focus on her feelings sorry!!! it's nimona hours!! ] If anyone tries to say you do, send 'em to me, alright? I'll straighten them out.
... but it is nice. the half a joke makes her laugh, rubbing at her face. god did i ever heal her broken hand. i don't think i did. anyway.]
I can beat them up myself, Ace. [but there's the emotion of like - loved, feeling loved, because even if it's a joke she knows he has her back, and he's never done anything to break her trust.]
You know, yeah, you're right! [she says, laughing again, elbowing him. the mood is a little more cheerful!] I could really use some quality destruction time before I have to go back after this whole stupid moon thing.
[ well, the mood is a little more cheerful until he has that anxious nerves spike when she mentions after the moon thing, but he grins at her and kind of tugs at the hat cord ]
Yeah? We should break some stuff even before that. I was way too well-behaved in that stupid news building.
Yeah. It affected us before we came back, too. [ so like. he knows. ] I kind of hate it.
[ ace feels big and obviously, except for the things he keeps close to the chest and having those things exposed is-- he has already been so damn exposed in this place. the feeling there is a little frustrated and wry both. but: ]
there's part of her that says leave it alone, he doesn't want to talk about it, but there's another part that's absolutely terrified that if she does leave it alone, if she doesn't talk to him about it, he's going to end up dead again. it's nothing he says, and that terror of losing him forever crawls up into her throat for a second.]
Where are you going after this, Ace? [sorry, she's sorry, she just can't let it be something they don't talk about.]
[ sorry, there's the anxiety again, and the exhaustion, and-- grief, and just a weird hope and he kind of laughs tiredly before it comes spilling out against his wishes: ]
I wanna go home. [ grief and longing, again, but like something that has passed? ] You know, from the start, when I learned about the pause thing, I thought... I figured none of it mattered. If time didn't move forward, I'd go right back to when it happened. In the middle of that stupid war because of me. But yesterday...
[ yesterday, they said time would go on. he's just anxious and exhausted thinking about it ]
That fight is probably over by now. I don't... I've got no idea what happened to anyone there. How they reacted if they noticed my body was missing. [ marines and pirates alike, he means, though he doesn't specify. ] And Pops was going to die, on that battlefield, because he wanted to make sure I got out, but I died anyway and I--
[ and it's back to grief and it's back to hope and it's a lot of warring emotions that leave him tired ]
It's not like I wanted to be dead. But I'd accepted that. So I guess I never really let myself think about what happens after.
[ it's just that he does want to live, and he said he wasn't questioning if it was fine that he was born anymore but questioning if wanting is alright is still very much on the table. also, very easy to say that when you are about to die but now he has to like. live. with all these feelings and knowledge. and it's hard and it's terrifying and he doesn't want to complain about getting to live, which is now what he feels like he did, so he kind of scrubs at his face and feels guilty and embarrassed ]
[she listens, though, just like he always listens to her. she tries very, very hard to take in every word, every feeling, and when he ends it with sorry, it's stupid, she punches him in the arm.]
Shut up, it isn't.
[... i wanna go home, he said. her heart aches. she wants him to go home, too. she wants him to have what she can't.]
... They noticed. Ace, obviously they noticed. They were coming for you, they love you, and if they didn't find you -- [a pause. that's not worth getting into, she thinks, it's - what ifs, like he said. so she changes tracks.] You're not dead now.
[she thinks about how weeks ago, nico talked to her about this. about how changing your ending is always possible, and how it doesn't have to be what you thought it was going to be, especially when people love you. nimona isn't sure she has a future past this, but ace does. ace will. ace deserves to go home, to the ocean he loves, to his brother, to a life cut short. the guilt and embarrassment makes her grab his face and thonk their foreheads together.]
You can write your ending however you want it to go. So if you wanna go home - you should go home. If you wanna live, you should live. Your after is whatever you want it to be, even if that's scary as hell. You won't know what happened unless you go find out, right? So go find out, you dumb pirate, take what you want. Start thinking about it.
[ he's just, like, more embarrassed when she talks, kind of different vibes of squirmy feelings like he's not sure if he should interrupt or not, because there's a lot of things she doesn't understand but that he doesn't want her to, either (at what point of your life causing misery to the people you care about are you allowed to still want to live it?) and it builds and builds until it kind of bursts with a surge of affection and he blurts: ]
Come with me. [ he never asked, because he didn't think he could, because he thought he was dead or going to be, because he was in the middle of a fucking war for his life, and he doesn't know what kind of world he's going back to in a week, if his crew and brother are okay, however the world shook out from his supposed death, from Whitebeard's, but he knows he's coming back after and that means he can at least-- ] If everything's over at home and I'm alive, you could come with me.
[ he can at least offer, because he wants better for her and he doesn't know if it's with him but it sure as hell isn't back in her home. ]
nobody has asked, she thinks. nobody asked her to go with them -- her mind fuzzes and shakes a little with that. nobody ever ever offered here. right? she can't grasp that. she can't think about it too hard. it doesn't seem right, but it does, all in one, so she just accepts it.
she's spent these past few days thinking about what was going to come after. she didn't want to go where she wasn't wanted, she's sick of that, but time was running out, and she kept having to confront the idea that she'd just... have to go back to her world. and it makes a whole lot of emotions well up in her - loneliness and a sense of wanting to belong somewhere, anywhere --
but he asks, and she pulls back to look at him, his hat settled crooked on her head, and there's really no stopping the tears this time. it's not the horrible ugly crying from before at least, it's just stupid ghibli tears as her emotions do backflips. hope, and love, and a longing met, a hand held out. that's all she wanted, to go back with him. to have someone ask her to belong.
there's a sort of - pride too, maybe? maybe it's silly but she's proud of him.]
Okay. [she says, weakly. she flounders a little trying to think of something else to say but it's hard because she's just absolutely drowning. there's something about knowing that he wants to live, and knowing that she's invited to get to see it. she would've been happy just knowing he existed somewhere, but with this... she gets to live a little herself, too.]
[ oh my god please stop crying he's dying here. she's having so many emotions and he's just like vague concerns about breaking her mixed in with the affection and nerves (about living) (about everything) and, also, of course, embarrassment about the pride. don't be proud of that he's always wanted to live he just didn't let himself think he could!!! ]
... Okay. [ he repeats and kind of laughs weakly as he hides his face. she's crying and he doesn't want to cry, so. ] I don't know what's... going to happen with my crew with Pops dead. And what happened to Luffy after I... anyway. [ grief and guilt and love but he dismissives that quick; ] So we'll have to figure out what I missed in a week to see where to go from there. And... well, the island I was on was probably sunk. So I'm not sure how we're dealing with that. And it's not the safest place, and everyone knows who I...
[ the entire whole world knows ace is the son of the pirate king now and it's kind of like, really making him sick to think about and raising his anxiety levels so he takes in a breath to center himself ]
The point is, sorry to drag you into my mess. But we'll get a boat and we'll find out.
[she can't stop having emotions this is how she feels all the time it's just BIG OVERWHELMING bursts of :aaaaa: on a constant basis. she rubs at her face again, scrubbing away the wetness on her face because she is happy.
and when his anxiety levels raise, she leans back in to get her arms around his shoulders and hugs him tightly.]
I don't care if it's a mess. [it sounds exciting? that sounds kind of insensitive, but - it's the unknown. and the unknown isn't scary if she's with him, so it's okay, they'll figure it out.]
You don't gotta worry, when we're out of here I can be whatever I want, so you could like - I could be some sort of sea creature and it won't matter if the island sunk.
[already doing Plans]
It'll work - we can go find Luffy, and your crew, and go from there. [...] And then we can kill the guy that killed you.
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anyway, she puts the hat back on securely and i will say it absolutely gives her a sense of comfort she can't hide. she plays a bit with the cord after he tugs it with a huff.]
I didn't let anything happen to it. Yeah. [that's the least she could've done! there's a little twisty bit of guilt here again, too, and the sense that maybe she is not quite all the way talking about the hat in this instance.]
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[ fond and like, mild concern at her guilt ]
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she shoves him but it's not hard. and she also flops back to lean on him again after she does.]
... Yeah. [another little pause.] It's just --
[she starts, and then stops again, and the guilt gets worse, and then:] I'm still angry at Danny for throwing you under the bus. I shouldn't have believed him.
[whether that's what happened or not, it's what she thinks.]
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... Everyone believed him. [ is what he starts with, because no one really wanted danny to have done it. he hesitates but decides to be honest: ] I don't really care about that part. I think I probably would've gotten the vote anyway, if you'd found him.
[ i hate that hes sincere ]
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No. [she says stubbornly.] You wouldn't have.
[or else, is the implication here, help]
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It's all what ifs anyway. [ he pauses ] I was a lot madder he was lying to you guys about it and playing house.
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You wanna know why I built that stupid fucking treehouse? Because - I left Tiger dorm, and I told Danny I was gonna, and he was upset because he didn't want to be alone. [and it hit her in a very soft and vulnerable spot.] I built that treehouse for him, because I wanted to - I wanted to show him that I wasn't gonna turn on him.
[but like. he knows how it turned out. and so there's conflicting emotion - guilt, because she did turn on him, but...]
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You didn't turn on him. He's the one who did it to you first. [ ace is incredibly a strong believe in killing people's friends should and does have consequences, i know, shocking, ] What he was doing was--
[ just kind of a hiss through his teeth because it incensed him and it still does and he is just. trying to be like he eventually confessed but after all that? after all that?? more important, though: ]
You haven't done anything wrong.
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... You guys, you - you and Reigen. [she says, voice cracking a little.] I've never had anything like either of you before. And I lost both of you in one weekend because of him, even if Tiger told him to, and he - he wasn't ever going to tell me, he only told me because you guys practically did it for him.
[she shifts, turning to wrap her arms around ace again.]
... I could've probably gotten over the kill, I just - he pretended to be my friend.
[and ace of all people knows why that's really upsetting to her.]
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... Yeah. I know what that's like. [ he's told her about it but what he didn't tell her is the kind of sharp pang of betrayal, anger, self-loathing and grief that comes with thinking about that, just a bit of a flash before he's back to just being angry on her behalf ] That's what I was most mad about.
[ he doesn't think it's a big secret that he was! and is. ]
You guys deserved to know the truth from the start, and I don't know that I agree it had to come from him in the first place.
[ he's glad danny said it eventually, but like, he doesn't care, so much, about danny's rights or redemption ]
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she doesn't like that pang - she doesn't like it because she knows he knows what it's like. it's the worst feeling in the world, to feel like maybe it wouldn't have happened if you'd been different or smarter or had seen it coming, to know that someone you trusted used it against you, flipped it around on you.
she closes her eyes, her emotions shifting back and forth between anger and wanting to comfort him in some way.]
Nico said he was probably going to forgive him because it was Tiger's fault but... I don't think I can. [...] I don't want to.
[what a mess]
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[ it is only like. half a joke. ]
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... but it is nice. the half a joke makes her laugh, rubbing at her face. god did i ever heal her broken hand. i don't think i did. anyway.]
I can beat them up myself, Ace. [but there's the emotion of like - loved, feeling loved, because even if it's a joke she knows he has her back, and he's never done anything to break her trust.]
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Yeah, but they can't argue back against both of us. [ :3 ]
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You know, yeah, you're right! [she says, laughing again, elbowing him. the mood is a little more cheerful!] I could really use some quality destruction time before I have to go back after this whole stupid moon thing.
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Yeah? We should break some stuff even before that. I was way too well-behaved in that stupid news building.
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listen she's interested in breaking stuff, she very much wants to do this and she nods in agreement, but also:]
... You know, I can feel all the stuff you're feeling. [just pointing that out.]
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Yeah. It affected us before we came back, too. [ so like. he knows. ] I kind of hate it.
[ ace feels big and obviously, except for the things he keeps close to the chest and having those things exposed is-- he has already been so damn exposed in this place. the feeling there is a little frustrated and wry both. but: ]
It's nothing. [ HE'S STILL A STUBBORN BITCH ]
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there's part of her that says leave it alone, he doesn't want to talk about it, but there's another part that's absolutely terrified that if she does leave it alone, if she doesn't talk to him about it, he's going to end up dead again. it's nothing he says, and that terror of losing him forever crawls up into her throat for a second.]
Where are you going after this, Ace? [sorry, she's sorry, she just can't let it be something they don't talk about.]
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I wanna go home. [ grief and longing, again, but like something that has passed? ] You know, from the start, when I learned about the pause thing, I thought... I figured none of it mattered. If time didn't move forward, I'd go right back to when it happened. In the middle of that stupid war because of me. But yesterday...
[ yesterday, they said time would go on. he's just anxious and exhausted thinking about it ]
That fight is probably over by now. I don't... I've got no idea what happened to anyone there. How they reacted if they noticed my body was missing. [ marines and pirates alike, he means, though he doesn't specify. ] And Pops was going to die, on that battlefield, because he wanted to make sure I got out, but I died anyway and I--
[ and it's back to grief and it's back to hope and it's a lot of warring emotions that leave him tired ]
It's not like I wanted to be dead. But I'd accepted that. So I guess I never really let myself think about what happens after.
[ it's just that he does want to live, and he said he wasn't questioning if it was fine that he was born anymore but questioning if wanting is alright is still very much on the table. also, very easy to say that when you are about to die but now he has to like. live. with all these feelings and knowledge. and it's hard and it's terrifying and he doesn't want to complain about getting to live, which is now what he feels like he did, so he kind of scrubs at his face and feels guilty and embarrassed ]
Sorry. It's stupid.
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Shut up, it isn't.
[... i wanna go home, he said. her heart aches. she wants him to go home, too. she wants him to have what she can't.]
... They noticed. Ace, obviously they noticed. They were coming for you, they love you, and if they didn't find you -- [a pause. that's not worth getting into, she thinks, it's - what ifs, like he said. so she changes tracks.] You're not dead now.
[she thinks about how weeks ago, nico talked to her about this. about how changing your ending is always possible, and how it doesn't have to be what you thought it was going to be, especially when people love you. nimona isn't sure she has a future past this, but ace does. ace will. ace deserves to go home, to the ocean he loves, to his brother, to a life cut short. the guilt and embarrassment makes her grab his face and thonk their foreheads together.]
You can write your ending however you want it to go. So if you wanna go home - you should go home. If you wanna live, you should live. Your after is whatever you want it to be, even if that's scary as hell. You won't know what happened unless you go find out, right? So go find out, you dumb pirate, take what you want. Start thinking about it.
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Come with me. [ he never asked, because he didn't think he could, because he thought he was dead or going to be, because he was in the middle of a fucking war for his life, and he doesn't know what kind of world he's going back to in a week, if his crew and brother are okay, however the world shook out from his supposed death, from Whitebeard's, but he knows he's coming back after and that means he can at least-- ] If everything's over at home and I'm alive, you could come with me.
[ he can at least offer, because he wants better for her and he doesn't know if it's with him but it sure as hell isn't back in her home. ]
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nobody has asked, she thinks. nobody asked her to go with them -- her mind fuzzes and shakes a little with that. nobody ever ever offered here. right? she can't grasp that. she can't think about it too hard. it doesn't seem right, but it does, all in one, so she just accepts it.
she's spent these past few days thinking about what was going to come after. she didn't want to go where she wasn't wanted, she's sick of that, but time was running out, and she kept having to confront the idea that she'd just... have to go back to her world. and it makes a whole lot of emotions well up in her - loneliness and a sense of wanting to belong somewhere, anywhere --
but he asks, and she pulls back to look at him, his hat settled crooked on her head, and there's really no stopping the tears this time. it's not the horrible ugly crying from before at least, it's just stupid ghibli tears as her emotions do backflips. hope, and love, and a longing met, a hand held out. that's all she wanted, to go back with him. to have someone ask her to belong.
there's a sort of - pride too, maybe? maybe it's silly but she's proud of him.]
Okay. [she says, weakly. she flounders a little trying to think of something else to say but it's hard because she's just absolutely drowning. there's something about knowing that he wants to live, and knowing that she's invited to get to see it. she would've been happy just knowing he existed somewhere, but with this... she gets to live a little herself, too.]
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... Okay. [ he repeats and kind of laughs weakly as he hides his face. she's crying and he doesn't want to cry, so. ] I don't know what's... going to happen with my crew with Pops dead. And what happened to Luffy after I... anyway. [ grief and guilt and love but he dismissives that quick; ] So we'll have to figure out what I missed in a week to see where to go from there. And... well, the island I was on was probably sunk. So I'm not sure how we're dealing with that. And it's not the safest place, and everyone knows who I...
[ the entire whole world knows ace is the son of the pirate king now and it's kind of like, really making him sick to think about and raising his anxiety levels so he takes in a breath to center himself ]
The point is, sorry to drag you into my mess. But we'll get a boat and we'll find out.
[ there's that missing confidence. ]
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and when his anxiety levels raise, she leans back in to get her arms around his shoulders and hugs him tightly.]
I don't care if it's a mess. [it sounds exciting? that sounds kind of insensitive, but - it's the unknown. and the unknown isn't scary if she's with him, so it's okay, they'll figure it out.]
You don't gotta worry, when we're out of here I can be whatever I want, so you could like - I could be some sort of sea creature and it won't matter if the island sunk.
[already doing Plans]
It'll work - we can go find Luffy, and your crew, and go from there. [...] And then we can kill the guy that killed you.
[:D?]
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