catchall nimona

[selfimmolation]

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[selfimmolation]

[ it is monday and so he curiously touches the scroll ]

[sharkgirl]

[the scroll sparkles pink, and then - like the pages of a story book, a flash of memories come up and plays in front of him!

i can also just give you the link to the shady website i got this from but i didn't want to frighten you with viruses so. also, netflix. also you've seen this but, y'know.]

[selfimmolation]

[ well. he immediately feels bad for seeing it, is the first thing that comes to mind, not that it really stops him from watching the whole thing wide-eyed. it's the explanation to something he never asked, and it's...

not too far off from what he expected. that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking, though. ]

... Nimona?

[ it's cautious. if this scroll was here, then-- was nimona still here too? or was that just put there? because it's monday and he doesn't know how that shit works yet ]

[sharkgirl]

[the scroll stays where it is, no longer making little pink sparks, which is good because that means that he can probably hear her crawling out from under the bed. and also see her crawling out from under the bed, hurriedly going to the balcony and nearly breaking the damn window in her attempt.

she's going to jump off this damn thing and turn into a bird if he doesn't stop her.]

[selfimmolation]

[ his movements are quick and despite the Depth Perception issues he manages to latch onto her wrist, dragging her back ]

Hey, wait--!

[ usually i give people time to talk about things but the memory (that ends at 1:40) that flutters by in front of them suddenly might help nimona stop panicking a little. you can have another one later this one just fit the current vibes best ]

[sharkgirl]

[no this is perfect, because it stops her in her tracks. she slams on the breaks, stops trying to wrench her arm away from ace. it's the same for her as it was for him - she immediately feels bad for having seen it, but.

a devil child has devil's luck.

she turns, looking up at him with a very upset look on her face. no, not you too. not ace, people shouldn't have done this to him too.]

[selfimmolation]

[ his look back is a little wry, though equally upset. not for sharing his own memory-- he doesn't care, really-- but for hers, still. she's not going anywhere anymore, but he tugs her a little so she moves away from the window anyway. ]

... You don't have to run from me. [ not for something like that. ] I told you before, right? The world's never wanted me.

[ it's not the same, because he found people and she didn't, but-- it's damn similar, isn't it? because they were both born unwanted. ]

[sharkgirl]

[her eyes are glowing just - very faintly. it's not like in the memory, when she was about to beat ballister's face in, but it's still there, just around the edges. she lets him pull her away from the window, her steps a little wobbly.]

Yeah, but I didn't think... [that it was like that, or she just didn't think at all, and she drags in a breath and shifts her hand to hold onto his arm.]

Why. You're you, everybody should want you around.

[selfimmolation]

I don't know about that.

[ "you're you, everybody should want you around" is-- too much for him to really think about, so he doesn't. he stops holding onto her wrist so tightly when she's back and holding back onto him, but he's still keeping hold of her. he grimaces when it comes to answering the question, though ]

I've only ever told two people this, myself. Everyone else sort of learned or figured it out on their own. It's a bit of a long story if you don't know the context... Sit down with me?

[sharkgirl]

[well, of course. of course she will, she doesn't even hesitate. she'll sit down with him, but she's not going to let go of him.

she really, sincerely doubts whatever he's going to tell her is going to make her feel differently, but.]

[selfimmolation]

[ he doesn't think so, either. she's not from his world. but it's just something that was drilled into him, to never speak about it. ]

... Twenty two years ago, there was a man they called the Pirate King. The most wanted man in the world. His name was Gol D. Roger, but they called him Gold Roger. [ the name was in the memory, briefly, so he's just putting context behind him ] Fame, fortune-- he had it all. He was caught and executed in front of the entire world. But before he died, he told everyone he hid everything he ever found in One Piece, and that they should get to the sea to seek it out for themselves. That was the start of what they now call the great pirate age.

[ he looks pretty bland as he recites it, like it's a history lesson. ]

I'm a pirate, but I can't pretend most pirates aren't scum. I've fought enough of them to know. The world changed the day he died. The Government wanted to make sure there wasn't any of his legacy left, so they looked everywhere. They found an island, and they investigated every child, infant and pregnant woman there that seemed suspicious. Killed everyone who might have fit the bill of being his child.

[ ... ]

They missed me. My mother... I took her name, because she managed to keep me hidden by pure willpower. She stopped herself from giving birth to me for twenty months. I was born two years after the Pirate King died. No one could've made the connection. It killed her. [ the implication, the way his breath hitches a little at that, is I killed her, because if she'd had any other option-- but this isn't about that. or about me having to acknowledge one piece's ridiculous Pregnant For 20 Months storyline ] Luffy's grandfather is the one who caught Roger, so he got him to take care of me as a favor. He hid me with the bandits. Blackmailed them into taking care of me.

[ he looks down at his hands for a second before he turns to grin at nimona, humorless ]

So... That's it. I've got the blood of devil in me.

[ he'd say more, but, well, she's seen what people had to say about the potential of the existence of gold roger's child. "die and say sorry I was ever born" is kind of the least of it. ]

[sharkgirl]

[okay i have to get this out of the way pregnant for 20 months is the most dumbass anime thing i've ever heard, why is that so funny.

but - past that, she listens, still holding his arm.

and then, fiercely:]

But you didn't ask for that. It's not your fault that they're so close-minded that they can't get to know you first. They just - they hated you before they even knew you. You didn't even do anything.

[that hurts. it hits, really hard, it curls up in her chest and it makes her so fucking angry, her eyes glowing at the edges again.]

[selfimmolation]

[ IT'S REAL DUMB I DIE EVERY DAY ]

... I was born. [ he says it wry and a little blankly, the way you do when you've been told your entire life your existence is a sin. he's not looking at her when he admits; ] All my life, I've only ever wanted the answer to one question, you know? If it was a good thing... that I was born.

[sharkgirl]

[she barely even lets him finish:]

Yes. [it's almost a growl. she's holding his arm so tightly that she might be cutting off circulation.] Yes. It was a good thing.

[he doesn't look at her, but that's okay. he doesn't need to. she knows this feeling. she knows how bad it hurts, she knows what it's like to be told that you should just die every day of your life. but she also knows that the pirate in front of her is one of the most important people she's ever met. she knows that her life would be worse if she never had.]

For me. It was a good thing. I know - I know that doesn't mean anything, but it was.

[selfimmolation]

[ it's not so much shocked pikachu that she's saying it at all, more the speed and confidence she does. i am sorry to say he is tearing up and immediately hiding his eye about it, covering it with a hand as he leans his head down, shoulders shaking ]

I... Nimona, there's something you need to know. [ before she asks, before he can back out again: ] I died. Before showing up here.

[sharkgirl]

[there's

there's a long pause. just a second too long, as her train of thought fucking crashes into a wall in a horrible, upsetting wreck. her breath stutters, and she yanks at his arm, instinctive, staring at him.]

No, you didn't. Don't - don't fuck with me, Ace.

[but he wouldn't. she knows he wouldn't lie to her like this. it's not a lie, and her breath catches in her throat.]

[selfimmolation]

[ he wipes at his face one last time before looking at her, looking wretched. ]

... I wanted to tell you earlier. I couldn't... figure out how. [ but he can't keep hiding it, and the thought of her seeing it as a memory instead is... a lot worse. ] I...

[ what do you say in these circumstances, is the thing. sorry i made you care about me just to hurt you? ]

[sharkgirl]

[well, it. does, it hurts. but it's that kind of punched out feeling, like a hole in her chest the size of a fist, all the way through. like a shotgun blast. like mourning someone who isn't even dead yet. he looks at her, and she thinks for a second that she's going to turn to smoke. like all of those pieces of her are going to crack and break and tilt back and scream, and drag full force into the tip of a sword.

at least this time when she's losing someone it isn't because they think she's a demon, but. maybe this is worse.

she is. a little dizzy.]

You're alive now, though. Right now you're - right. [so she'll fix it.]

[selfimmolation]

... Yeah. I am.

[ he woke up alive and then was immediately hit with the knowledge that time doesn't pass back home, and he's pretty sure he'll just go back to being dead, and if he doesn't does it matter because he would die a hundred times over to save luffy, but he doesn't say that, because. he's said enough.

about himself, anyway. ]

... You're not a monster, you know.

[sharkgirl]

[oooh, no, nope. nope, she can't take that on top of everything else, her eyes flash, and she lets go of his arm to put her hand over his mouth. stop. stop talking.]

No, I am. [she says, staring at him.] Because that's what it's going to take to make sure you don't die.

[she doesn't know how he died or anything at all about it, but it doesn't matter. her ending was set in stone and it always was just a matter of time, but his doesn't have to be.]

[selfimmolation]

[ well, okay. at first he can't talk because she's covering his mouth, but then he winces because--he'd accepted it, when he died. he'd spent so long on that execution platform going back and forth about it, and then some time trying to live as they escaped, but. he took that hit, for luffy, and he is never going to regret that. ]

... Nimona. I can't... undo what killed me.

[sharkgirl]

[see, the thing is - the thing is, she's already raced through it. he probably died for something. on purpose. because that's what she sees him as, because he's a hero to her, the way they're supposed to be. so she knows that he will always want to, to make sure what he sacrificed himself for keeps on going. she knows he would never leave his world. not when his brother's there. she's not stupid enough to think he'd leave just for her.

but the thing is if she loses one more thing she will just let herself burn. maybe she can die have her memory erased. it's just danny left. that's all it'd take.

she looks down, fist clenched in her lap, so he doesn't see the tears that are escaping. her voice just hiccups.]

Ace, I can't do this a third time. I wasn't going to even do it a second time.

[selfimmolation]

[ he'd argue, if he could hear her thoughts, because it was his own fault luffy was here in the first place, his own fault he'd ever been in danger, but he cannot read thoughts. he doesn't need to hear her hiccup, to see the way she's clenching her fist in her lap, and he drags her closer to hug her first this time, holding her tight. ]

... Do what?

[sharkgirl]

[she lets him, hiding her face, and doesn't answer for a minute, trying desperately not to cry. and after that minute, she says, miserably:]

What do you think I was going to do at the end of what you just saw?

[selfimmolation]

[ well. he was hoping for fight the world, but.

I didn't even want to do it a second time.

if it hadn't been for having a little brother to take care of, I would've given up then
being alone is worse than any getting hurt!

Nimona's been alone for a long, long time. ]

... It's not just me. I'm not the only one you've got.